Yesterday there was not a funeral, not a memorial --it was more like a remembrance or celebration of the life of Kevin, a fellow I never got to know too well. The event which followed the death of Kevin by about 10 days, was held in a non-sectarian, historic church building which Kevin had helped to restore a few years before his passing.
The gathering was conducted by the deceased's older brother. A power-pint slide presentation was on a large screen at the front of the audience. It showed photos of Kevin as a baby and all the other stages of growth to near his end of days at the age of 36. Photos showed him in Hawaii, in state parks, using his building skills, enjoying a drink, with friends, and at the Burning Man festival held in Nevada each year. Music that sounded blue-grass, C & W, and 80's pop played in the background. The woman sitting next to me said "I've never heard this kind of music at a funeral. " I thought --well, first of all this isn't a funeral and the music we're hearing is probably "Kevin's favorite hits.' But I said nothing. The program was simple: introductions of family, a moment of silence for Kevin, 3 speakers, volunteer speakers and "thanks for coming, lunch will be served in the annex."
After the service I thought-- there was no prayer, there was no hymn, there was no mention of God or anything I would consider "spiritual." I've pondered this and always have to ask myself --Was that right?
No doubt it was right for Kevin, but for me? Is that what I would want??
So often I've been at weddings, "funerals" and other "life-marking" events where the minister, the priest,
the rabbi has taken it as a moment for him or her to grab the spotlight and thump on their own point-of-view, grab the opportunity to try their skills as a comedian, or, most disappointingly, attribute their own beliefs to the deceased. Some cap on a time of weakness and vulnerability to spread the Word as all are searching for "Whys" ---why him/her?, why now? why so young? In a sense it becomes the presenter's happening. Yesterday Kevin had an event that was singularly his.
The gathering was conducted by the deceased's older brother. A power-pint slide presentation was on a large screen at the front of the audience. It showed photos of Kevin as a baby and all the other stages of growth to near his end of days at the age of 36. Photos showed him in Hawaii, in state parks, using his building skills, enjoying a drink, with friends, and at the Burning Man festival held in Nevada each year. Music that sounded blue-grass, C & W, and 80's pop played in the background. The woman sitting next to me said "I've never heard this kind of music at a funeral. " I thought --well, first of all this isn't a funeral and the music we're hearing is probably "Kevin's favorite hits.' But I said nothing. The program was simple: introductions of family, a moment of silence for Kevin, 3 speakers, volunteer speakers and "thanks for coming, lunch will be served in the annex."
After the service I thought-- there was no prayer, there was no hymn, there was no mention of God or anything I would consider "spiritual." I've pondered this and always have to ask myself --Was that right?
No doubt it was right for Kevin, but for me? Is that what I would want??
So often I've been at weddings, "funerals" and other "life-marking" events where the minister, the priest,
the rabbi has taken it as a moment for him or her to grab the spotlight and thump on their own point-of-view, grab the opportunity to try their skills as a comedian, or, most disappointingly, attribute their own beliefs to the deceased. Some cap on a time of weakness and vulnerability to spread the Word as all are searching for "Whys" ---why him/her?, why now? why so young? In a sense it becomes the presenter's happening. Yesterday Kevin had an event that was singularly his.
